A ritual of your own

by Miki Young, non-denominational officiant

There are some times that a bride and groom want to express something so unique that a traditional ritual just won't do. And what works best, is to create a non-denominational ritual that reflects the particular message and view of the wedding couple.

As non-denominational officiants we are not bound by the standard way of creating weddings. Instead we are able to create something more secular, or something more spiritual, or even a ceremony that integrates traditions in an interfaith way.  What is important is that each ritual reflects the wedding couple and the feeling they want to have for themselves and for their guests.

Creating a unique wedding ceremony ritual starts with a clear idea of what the ritual is supposed to represent. For example, does it
represent the bride and groom coming together as unique individuals and forming a sacred marital union?  Is it being used to expand interactive guest participation?  To honor parents? Or maybe to help families of the bride and groom feel like they have come together as one extended family?

One couple wanted to have a momento of their wedding ceremony.  We worked together to create a ritual in which every guest received a small stone to place, along with their blessing for the couple, into a clear bowl at the front of the room.  During the ceremony, the bride and groom placed sand into the stone-filled bowl, indicating how their individual souls were melding together and how important their family and friends were to their lives.  It was a beautiful ceremony and a beautiful reminder in their home.

In a similar ritual, instead of stones each guest received a flower to place into vase that sat on the table in the front of the room. 

The exquisitely filled vase provided a beautiful greeting for the bride and groom when they enter, knowing that their guests have all blessed their union.  As a continuation of that ritual, those flowers can also be used to encircle the couple when they say their vows or used in a presentation to each parent when the couple honors the legacy of love they have learned from their families.

Another ritual allows the parents to participate with their new in-laws by acknowledging that theirs families are joining together.
Parents stand on either side of a bowl or vase filled with water. Each couple receives a basket of different colored petals which they
place onto the water, visually bringing together their now combined family.

Rituals help us to express complex concepts with simple visuals. They allow us to engage in ways that go beyond words to the heart of the story. And so often the beauty of a wedding ceremony shines even brighter because of the rituals that are integrated within it.